The past few weeks have been chock full of graduations, one being Oliver's graduation from preschool. Still a bit weepy over that one, but so excited for him to enter the world of "big school" as he calls it. After Oliver's ceremony, we had a nice afternoon, just him and I. We spent it at the book store and Target, per his request. It was so lovely. On the way home, Oliver said, "Y'know Mummy, I was a bit sad today because it was a happy day but it was also sad because when I'm happy, I'm kinda sad because I can't tell Andrew. But it's okay to be happy and sad, Mummy."
Now, for those who know me well, know I am a crier. I cry at everything, the beautiful and the heart breaking. However, I did not shed a single tear at his graduation. It was this moment, when he said the exact thing my heart was telling me that the tears began to fall. In that moment, I was so sad that my kids carry this insurmountable grief with them, but also elated that they have all, in their own way, learned to live with the sadness and have each found their own way to happiness. Some days are harder than others, for sure, but we are slowly learning that we must live. We must smile. We must celebrate, even if sorrow has come to the party. It is, by no means, ignoring that sadness, but rather learning how to balance it with joy. The more we talk about the love that surrounds us in my brother's absence, the more our love and healing begins. Yes, I know this sounds so cheesy or corny, whatever, but I'm just so amazed at how my kids have handled all of this. They've shown me that we are all just a mix of light and dark, "kinda like the sky, Mummy" as Oliver explained. We are indeed.
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