Took a little blogging break to celebrate the last week of 2011 and 2012 is beginning with a little rocky start. Not in a momentously bad way or anything, just some challenges that are leaving Devin and I with little steam at the end of the evening. The holidays were simply lovely. We tried very, very hard to keep the holidays simple this year and it is was lovely....really. The last week of 2011 was spent entirely as a family, Devin taking the week off and just enjoying each others company. We had no schedules, no real plans, our main goal was to just relax. Our version of relaxing morphed into cleaning out the basement--who knew we had so much room!--and the garage, which not only houses the car, but a half pipe as well! Oh, and we squeezed a trip to the New England Aquarium, too. Simply lovely.
Handmade holidays: all the American Girl outfits came from Etsy, it felt so good supporting someone making something out of their house...the notes that came inside the packages melted my heart. Oh, and the classrooms were inspired by an ad in some catalog for a $30 classroom. Well, I made two for $6; poster board and Dollar Store teaching supplies....voila!
our nightly routine now consists of shaving for the little man...my, how he has transformed in the past couple of months. He tuckers us out more than we could have EVER imagined, but he melts my heart a million times a day...
I must admit, the holidays were secretly solemn for me. Christmas just wasn't the same without my nana. She would smack me if I let it mar the day, so I ploughed through and enjoyed the magic as much as possible. The funny thing about grief is, it sneaks up on you. I was in a gray funk of a fog last week and just could not get myself out of it. I was angry at myself, but then realized, aha! this is what grief does...how quickly one forgets. Like the fog I was living in, it slowly moves in, but once you walk through it, it begins to dissipate. In trodding through this grief, I had the chance to think about the year that lie ahead and the one that I left behind. I'm not really one for resolutions, but I do sincerely hope some things for 2012: I stop being so hard on myself; I let things go, especially things I cannot control; I let myself have time to myself, even if that means the dust bunnies take over; I find time for my husband, aside from mundane tasks together; I write more in my journal; I actually use our gym membership; I carve more time out for one-on-one with Ava; I continue on my no coffee days...hard as hell at first, but worth not having migraines; and I find beauty in the chaos of my everyday.
And that's another thing about grief: it forces us to look deep inside our lives and hearts and illustrates what is really and truly important. I know I can overcome my obsessiveness for some sanity, because amongst many things, I think I learned that no matter what I do or don't do, life is going to carry on. The dust bunnies are still going to be there, Oliver is still going to refuse to sleep through the night EVER, Ava is still going to test me daily, the laundry is still going to multiply, Lillian is still going to insist that a pig is a perfectly fine birthday present...everyday, and the bills are still going to come in. In the end, none of this crap matters. What matters at the end of the day is I know I did my best, no matter what life tossed at me. And for that, I know I'd get a wink and a thumbs up from my nana.
Do tell: what are some of your hopes for this new year?
