Cocooon of Chaos

Merry Making...Sibling Gifts

As inspired by Gabrielle over at Design Mom, I decided to have the kiddos make each other things, rather than buying something. So, today the house was abuzz with gathering, painting, glueing, and making Mummy cry with their sweetness.

Bea made a special bed for Pippa's pet pig, Daisy, out of an old planter she found in the garage

Pippa gathered pictures from my old Vogue magazines and made an awesome collage of things Bea likes...I just love the flower background! (Huge nod to my sister, Andrea, for inspiring her!)

Ollie made ornaments for the girls out of playdough...took a few days longer then I expected to dry, but fun nonetheless!

Using a blank book from our local art supply store, Pippa cut out images from magazines and labeled them "so it will help Ollie learn to talk more"....love it!

Practical Bea decided that our little destructive tot might rip a book, so we found a blank board book and she used pictures from photo albums and wrote him a sweet, sweet book.

I had to include the last page because it touched me so deeply.  In all the chaos of having three monsters in this little house, the clutter that overtakes our lives, and the deafening noise level, every bit of it is worth it when I see how much they all love each other. It is a bond a thousand times better than I ever imagined it would be.  Having them do this for each other today, really got us in the holiday spirit today.  These gifts aren't fancy or expensive, but they are priceless.

I truly hope you have a wonderful holiday season and the days are filled with solace, merriment, and magic. All my best....

Flame to Flame

What a long week it has been...in both a good and bad way. My nana has been remembered, celebrated, and laid to rest. I know she is happy, enjoying an amaretto on the rocks with my grandfather, and proudly looking down on their legacy of seven sons, 14 grandchildren, and 3 great grandchildren.  I mustered up the courage to speak at the funeral and have been asked to repost here, so here goes:

  "I have to start this by saying thank you to everyone for coming and sharing in this day with my family and I to honor such a wonderful woman. It goes without saying, that Nana was a very special person. I feel like the luckiest person on the planet to have had such an amazing woman as a grandmother. Although 3,000 miles separated us most of the time, our love had no bounds. At least twice a month, a letter arrived in my mailbox. Whether I was 7 or 17, I could not wait to open those letters. They were filled with funny family anecdotes, gossip, and an occasional life lesson. There was always a Post Script that read, 'Don't forget, you're always #1'. Those letters got me through the pains of adolescence more than she would ever know.

Every minute spent with my Nana, was filled with laughter and love. My earliest memory of her is when I was four sitting at the formica table on Patti Lane. She handed me a cup of milky tea, an old pair of eyeglasses with the lenses popped out, and an unlit cigarette. She said 'Go ahead, Honey, I know you're dying to...an old soul lives in that little body of yours' and we sat there for hours, me with my unlit cigarette, glasses, and milky tea chatting with my Nana. It became a little ritual between us and the last time I saw her was over a cup of tea, minus the cigarettes, but with the bonus of my three children surrounding her.

Nana certainly lived life the way she wanted to and in the end, passed as she wanted to. Two days after her eightieth birthday, I stopped over for a cup of tea just by myself without my children. It was a spur of the moment idea and as it turned out, it was one of the best times I had with her. She told me that turning eighty really made her think about her own mortality and her life. She told me, 'I'm not afraid to die, honey. I've lived on this earth for eighty years and I've had a good life. There are times that were hard, of course, but they were worth it because now I'm here, as I should be, having a cup of tea with you.' That conversation has pushed me through the last week, where at times the sadness of her passing is unbearable, yet knowing she died on her own terms peacefully is a great source of solace.

Besides the life lessons over cups of tea, Nana left me with another gift I treasure. My father and my six uncles, who each in their own way have showed me the definition of unconditional love, just as my Nana did. These seven men are of such a fine caliber and I would not be half the person I am without knowing their love was always there, no matter what...Just as it was with my Nana. Nana is a proud woman, looking down at these men and their families. To my 11 cousins, my brother, and my sister, and my own three children, I humbly ask that you keep Nana's memory alive by staying true to yourselves, never forgetting where you came from, and living life as you want to—nothing else would make her more proud.

My last memory of my Nana is sitting at her dining room table two weeks ago with my children. I had my tea and my children had their ice cream and cookies. My toddler son climbed up in her lap and gently rested his head on her chest. She laughed as only she could laugh and said, 'Hon, now I can die a happy woman'. And she did. If there is one thing I am sure of, it is that."

It was a difficult weekend, but with the love of my family, it made all of this a bit easier. Not to mention, how incredibly proud I am of Ava, getting up there in front of so many people and reading her poem AND her favorite memory of Nana.  I have never, ever been more proud of that little girl in my life. Words fall short...

As much as I miss her, I know my Nana would not want me to wallow in sorrow, but push forth. It is Christmas, after all, in a few days.  Although those would be the last birthday candles she would blow out, she left a fire in all of us to carry on.  Always the obedient granddaughter, I will do just that. 

 

 

 

In Preparation...

  Oh, my sweet, courageous seven year old. She wrote this poem to read at my Nana's funeral on Saturday. As one of my dear friends said, "having kids makes death so much more raw but comforting at the same time." We are all grieving and like her mama, this little lady turns to her pencil....

Nana was caring

Awesome because she was thoughtful

Never mean

And always nice

 

Right now she is happy

Enjoying her husband making

New memories up in heaven

Never forgetting memories we shared

I loved her for

Everything she was .

 

By: Ava Grant, 7 years old

 

Remembering...

My world is a little less bright these days. On Friday night, my beloved Nana passed away. She went peacefully and on her own terms, which is exactly how it was meant to happen.  Although I find great solace in her peaceful passing, it is impossible for me to feel anything but empty right now.  Words fail me, utterly and completely. I was gathering some pictures and I think at this moment, it is the best way to remember her.

It breaks my heart in a thousand pieces that my sweet boy whom she is holding in the above picture, will have no memory of this superb woman.  The girls, on the other hand, have a million.  My goodness, it was the hardest moment of my life, telling my two girls that Nana died. They both fell into my arms sobbing and my heart has never felt so shattered. Grieving is a thousand times harder when watching your children and loved ones grieve. I just want to take away all this sadness, rewind time, find something to fix the helplessness and sorrow that fills my heart as a mother, daughter, niece, and cousin.  But there is nothing.  Watching my father and uncles go through this with such grace, resolve, and pure love is a true testament of how incredible my Nana was; raising seven boys of such caliber is no easy feat.   

Lillian is taking this loss especially hard. Tonight she sat down in my lap and tearfully said, "I didn't want her to die, Mummy." We had a good cry together and my sweet, sweet Ava came over, hugged us and said, "but she's happy up in heaven, Lillian, I just know it." That wise seven year old is right...she is happy. The last time I went over for our weekly visit, Oliver climbed up in her lap and rested his head on her chest. She laughed and said, "Well, hon, now I can die a happy woman." And she did.  If there is one thing I am sure of, it is that.

 

Sisterly Pride

Of two sisters one is always the watcher, one the dancer.  ~Louise Glück

Oh, how proud I was being the watcher of that beautiful dancer. This photo is perfect in its imperfections. In all the chaos of life, a simple smile from her stops me in my tracks.  As a little girl, I wanted a sister so badly. I had to wait 22 years, but it was well worth the wait. I was waiting for her. 

Fingerprint Gift Tags

So, my new addiction is Pinterest, an online pin board, really. I just love, love, love getting inspired by other people's creativity! Even the girls created their own boards, filled with horses, pigs, and Selena Gomez (sigh). That being said, I saw two great ideas for wrapping paper and gift wrap using stamp pads and wee little fingers. Our smart and creative Advent elf left us a bag of creative goodness to get us started on our fingerprint gift tags:

 How great did these turn out?! Do you know what the best part was...it was thirty minutes of no squabbling, just giggles and compliments for each other's creativity.

P.S. We are knee deep in the Clarice Bean Collection of Chapter Books, so my scribbling may be peppered with a wee bit English from across the pond now and then (like squabbing above!)...oh, how I LOVE how much these little girls of mine love these books! Each night, our day ends in giggles reading on the floor...just as it should. Tell me, what are you reading with your kiddos?

Magic of December

Judging by our abnormally warm December, you'd never know Christmas is on its way! I mean seriously, we've been out jacketless for the past week and I must admit, it is rather odd. Although, Mother Nature may be misleading, there is no denying in the Grant abode that the holidays have arrived. On the first, we put up our beautiful advent calendar from Devin's childhood, and I must say it is a tradition I just treasure. Such a great way to enter into this magical season.

Each day, the elf comes and leaves us a little something, nothing big, just a sweet or an idea like donating some toys, to remind us that the holidays are just as much about giving as they are receiving. (Although, I can not really complain here...today we had a conference with Ava's teacher and in one of her journal entries, she wrote "I wish for happiness for my family".) I mean, seriously...how fantastic is that.

In addition to our traditional advent calendar, we are also doing a slightly different one. The idea of this one is to place coins in a jar each night for things we have--and take for granted--such as coats, going to school, three meals a day, etc. At the end of the twenty four days, we pick a charity to donate the money to...this will definetly be a tradition each year.  With each night, the girls are really learning just how fortunate they are to have things that we so easily take for granted.  An entirely different kind of magic usually associated with this time of year, but nonetheless, just as meaningful.

As I watched all three of my children decorating the tree, I was floored at just how incredible my life really is. All my dreams really have come true. Yes, they may not be exactly as I imagined them to be, but in a way, they are better than I could have ever imagined.  May your days be filled with cheer, my friends...

Do tell, what are some of your favorite traditions?

Hello, again...

Ahh...it feels good to be back in this space again. Life has been nothing short of stressful and chaotic. I found myself utterly defeated these past few weeks, so decided to take a little break...from just about everything.  My strings were pulled too thin, I suppose and I felt like I was unravelling a bit, to be honest. Life has a way of doing that, I suppose. I toyed with closing this account here and giving up by my little blog, but it is my sanity some days.  It is a space where I shut out all the noise and just focus on my days, the words coming together in my head and watching them scroll across the screen, to produce a nice little space where I decompress and realize just how wonderful this life really is. Yes, it is hard, no doubt. The bills keep coming, the money keeps leaving, the laundry keeps piling, the chores never end, the tantrums, the fighting...blah, blah, blah. At the end of the day, even if it takes me five minutes to put up a post, it is five minutes of reflection...both good and bad. So, I'm here for another year...

But, enough about that...I'm here again and happy to be here again.  A little break is always a good thing, no?! I've decided to set personal goals for myself everyday: get some form of exercising (even that means sweating while carrying a screaming toddler out of gymnastics), read five pages of a pleasure book (by that, I mean one that I am not required to read for school), and knit five rows. All of the three have made me a better person each day.  It is so, so, so very easy to get lost in the shuffle of things, without even knowing it.  The quiet time of knitting, reading, and sweating really do my soul good. A nice glass of red wine and a loving husband are sitting waiting for me, but to the small readership I do have, thanks for reading and just being here, even when I'm not...my page views increased quite a bit in my absence.  Please, please, please contribute your comments, if you ever see fit. I'd love to hear from you! May your weekend be full of wintry magic...