I really thought by this time of year the girls and I would be at the beach in our swimsuits, not fully clothed! This has been a dreadfully painful couple of weeks filled with endless rain, haze, and dreary fog. To make matters worse, it has been a huge adjustment time for all of us as a family. Devin was offered a new job which requires quite a bit of traveling and I left my job to be home with girls. His absence is felt by us all and I know it is extremely difficult for him to be away. We are plowing through, but life is a bit different for us all.
To be honest, I miss my job terribly. Being a teacher, I am lucky enough to be around children and adults all day long. I miss my students immensely and I miss the adult company as well. Don't get me wrong, I know I am fortunate enough to stay home and I value every minute I have with my children, but I also miss having a life outside my home. I am finding it increasingly isolating being home, but partly blame Mother Nature for this horrible weather in my feelings. Navigating life as a parent is full of twists and turns, ups and downs, and unexpected obstacles, this I know. I also know that my girls are only this little once and am trying to enjoy every fleeting moment I have with them, because I know I will miss them dreadfully as they grow and naturally distance themselves from me.
For me, it is an odd time because all of my life, I have been surrounded by children. My oldest daughter will be 5 in four days and my three year old is so independent, she rarely needs me for anything. As they grow and find themselves, I find myself doing the same. What am I besides a mother and a teacher? What have I always wanted to do? I will soon have an entire morning to myself and what pray tell will I do with myself? (Okay, I'm not one of those mothers who is afraid to be away from her children; I routinely take a night off a week and do something outside the house by myself.) In some sense, it is a bit scary because so much of my identity lies within being a mother but in another sense, it is exhilarating to find something else. What is that something else? I'm not sure I really know the answer but I'm anxious to start finding out....
